Joy to the World (an Ode to Labor)

Joy to the world, labor has come
Let the journey begin
The cramping has begun-un-un
Remember to breathe
and relax into the wave, relax into the wave, re-laaaaaxxx, rela-a-axxxx into the wave

Joy to the world, labor has come
And now your water breaks
Its running down your le-e-gg, it’s definitely not pee-eee-eee
Time to wear your Depends, it’s time to wear your depends,
it’s ti—IIME, it’s tiii-ii-ime, to wear your Depends.

Joy to the world, labor has come
and it’s getting really harrrrrddddd
Waves are 4 min apaar—ar-art, they last a minute long-ong-ong
Relax, breathe, and hip squeeze,
Relax, breathe, and hip squeeze,
Relaaa-ax, re-la-a-a-ax, breathe, and hip squeeze.

Joy to the world, labor has come
and you’re totally compleeeeeete
Your 10 centi-met-er-er-ers, your fully eff-aaaaa-aa-aced,
It’s time to labor down,
It’s time to labor down,
it’s tii--IIIMe, it’s ti-i-ime, to labor down.

Joy to the world, labor has come
and there’s pressure in your tushhhhhhhh
There’s no time now for pai-ain meds,
that really was not the pla-an-an.
Your body starts to push.
your body starts to push,
your body, your bo-o-dy, starts to push.

Joy to the world, labor has come
and your baby starts to crowwwwwwn
Your midwife does massa-ah-age, and uses a warm com-pre-e-ess
you feel the ring of fire,
you feel the ring of fire,
you fee-EEL, you feel-eel-eel the ring of fire.

Joy to the world, labor has come
and now your baby’s heeeerrree
you pull her uu-uu-up, too-oo your che-e-est
and close your eyes and sigh,
and close your eyes and sigh,
and clo-o-ooose , and clo-o-ose your eyes and sigh.

Joy to the world, labor has come
you can’t believe you did it!
It was sooooo tou-ou-ugh
But you totallyyy slayyy-ay-ayed
You are a total queen,
you are a total queen,
you are-ARE you are-are-are
a total queen!