Sleep Deprivation: Not a New Parent's Rite of Passage
/If you’re the parent of a newborn, you are probably desperate for a good night of sleep. But if you’ve shared that desperation with others, you were probably met with unhelpful comments like:
“Don’t worry, they’ll sleep through the night before they go to college.”
“The days are long, but the years are short.”
“Hold that baby and enjoy every moment.”
Anyone saying things like this doesn’t currently have a newborn at home. (And you would think they could at least keep their well-rested mouths shut.)
Lack of sleep is a serious issue, and it shouldn’t be brushed off so lightly. Why do we, as a society, expect new parents to suffer through the torture of sleep deprivation as if they must earn some kind of depraved parenting merit badge? Can we please just stop this.
It’s been over twelve years, but I can still remember that desperate craving for sleep that I experienced when my son was a newborn, it’s like an echo deep down in my bones. The long nights of bringing a baby to my breast, changing diaper after diaper, swaddling and swaying and rocking until my back hurt, and ultimately pleading with my newborn to just go to sleep. Pleas that largely went unanswered. The days where I was so exhausted it felt like my entire body hurt and my whole brain was living in a fog.
The exasperation that was slowly turning into anger and resentment – toward my husband and (to my guilty surprise) toward my baby – as the promise of a sunset meant nothing more than another night of torture with no sleep.
During my baby’s two-week checkup, the nurse distractedly asked my husband and I how we were doing as she filled in my son’s chart. Holding back tears, I confessed that I was struggling at night to get more than an hour or two of sleep. The nurse paused, looked me square in my red, exhausted eyes, let out a little chuckle, and said, “Get used to it.”
Wait, what? This was her response?! Was she seriously laughing at me as I broke under the weight of constant sleep deprivation? I was already dealing with (unrecognized and undiagnosed) postpartum depression and anxiety and the expectation that I was supposed to suffer like this just pushed me over the edge.
So please hear me when I say to you: night after night without quality sleep is NOT funny. You do NOT deserve to be outright dismissed or placated with a cliché about precious moments.
If you are struggling with newborn sleep, Doulas of Raleigh understands. And we’re here to help you get more sleep. Here’s a few things you can do:
Develop a sleep plan for you and your partner – tackle those night feedings and marathon comforting sessions in a way that allows both of you to maximize sleep.
Lower the bar during the day – parental leave is not the time to undertake grand home projects. Instead you should be napping as often as you can in the daytime.
Swaddles and white noise are your friend – if you’re having trouble getting your baby to settle at night, these two things make a big difference.
Learn your baby’s sleep cues and wake windows – helping your baby get good quality sleep translates to more sleep for everyone. We have more tips here.
Ask for help – if you are seriously struggling, this is the time to phone a friend or call in your postpartum doula.
Sleep deprivation should not be a new parent rite of passage. It is normal to want your baby to sleep longer stretches and to feel overwhelmed when this is not happening. We won’t dismiss you with flippant adages. Instead, we can help everyone get more shut-eye and feel their best selves. Call us today.