Staying Connected with Your Partner After Baby
Valentine’s Day is right around the corner. Are you feeling in the mood? Chances are that if you are the parent of a newborn, the answer to that question is NO!
But just because you may not be ready to jump in between the sheets right now, that doesn’t mean you can’t stay connected with your partner during this time in your lives. There are plenty of ways to build intimacy and stay connected without S-E-X. We’ve got some ideas to add a little romance to your lives in between those diaper changes and marathon feeding sessions.
Top Tips for Building Intimacy
Talk About Something Other than the Baby
We get it. This new human that has moved in with you is all consuming. From the moment you wake up to the moment you go to sleep (IF you go to sleep), it’s all about baby. So when you have a few minutes during the day to actually have an adult conversation with your partner, what do you talk about? THE BABY!!!
Make an effort to steer the topic to something else when you have a moment to yourselves. A podcast you listened to while driving around, some funny tiktok you scrolled by in the middle of the night, a memory the two of share, ANYTHING! By connecting over something non-parenting, it can spark adult conversations and emotions that bring you back to the time when it was just the two of you. And as much as you love this new baby you made together, reflecting on life as a twosome can be a nice way to connect.
Touch
If you’re newly postpartum (or even if you’re not that newly postpartum but still in the throes of sleep deprivation), the idea of making time for sex can be unappealing. Maybe you’re not ready. Maybe you’re nervous or worried. Maybe you’re just too freaking exhausted to think about anything other than sleep when your head hits the pillow. And that’s okay.
But in order to maintain a level of intamacy with your partner, try to make an effort to touch in some way each day. Hold hands. Hug a little bit longer each morning. Rest your head on your partner’s shoulder during some late night Netflix watching. Not all touch needs to be sexual. And make sure there is no expectation that it will lead to anything you’re not ready for. But a little skin-to-skin time with your partner and the oxtyocin flow that comes with it can keep you feeling connected to your loved one.
It’s the Little Things
The first few months - heck even the first years! - after adding a baby to your family can be overwhelming. It’s easy to let the demands of caring for this tiny person consume you entirely. And honestly, there’s not a lot of time to plan the grand romantic gestures that once would have signaled Valentine’s Day in years past.
But that doesn’t mean you can’t do a little something for the one you love. Maybe a handwritten note on the nightstand reminding your partner of how much you love and appreciate them. Or perhaps an act of service like a full coffee pot already made and ready to pour in the morning is your partner’s love language. Is there a favorite meal or special take-out place that would make your spouse’s night? A surprise bouquet of flowers from the grocery store? It’s little things like this that can remind your partner how much you care.
Schedule Time
We know. Nothing sounds less romantic than having to schedule time to spend together. But we’re just keeping things realistic over here. When you have young children in the home, the days of spontaneous romantic getaways are probably on hold. But if you’re not careful, you’ll look at the calendar and realize it’s been months (or maybe even YEARS!!!) since you went out on a fancy date or maybe even got away for a night of uninterrupted adult time.
It’s important to get that time together to focus on your relationship and recharge as a couple. So if you have to schedule that time weeks or even months in advance, DO IT! Maybe you have family close by that would love to spend some time with your children. Or maybe you need to hire a babysitter. Or even better, call up your postpartum doula and have them come for the night. A night away doesn’t have to be spontaneous to be romantic.
Adding a baby to your family can be one of the toughest adjustments to your relationship. And it’s honestly easy to let things with your partner slide a little bit. But staying connected with the one you love during this difficult time is worth it - even if it takes a little extra work. It won’t always be this hard.