When Your Birth Plan Goes Up in Flames

Did anyone prepare you for feeling so completely blindsided by how your birth went? Yeah, you’re not alone.

Nearly 18 years ago, my husband and I spent weeks preparing for labor and birth. We attended a 12-week long childbirth education class based on a well-known method.  We were told that if we just did everything we learned in our classes, we would have a calm, peaceful, easy labor and birth. We were in for a big surprise! 

I went into labor at 39 weeks after I caught my husband’s stomach bug. The dehydration caused contractions and put me into labor. We had planned to labor at home for as long as possible and we were committed to that until I started bleeding very early in labor. That meant heading to the hospital much earlier than anticipated. I also had back labor for 23 hours of my 24 hour labor…we had no idea that back labor meant much harder contractions earlier in labor. We also had no idea that I could and did pass out an hour after my baby was born or how that meant a longer hospital stay than we would have otherwise had. 

Yes, in the end, I was healthy and so was my baby.

That doesn’t mean that that labor and birth didn’t go the way we thought it would. I know many of you also have birth stories that turned out far differently than what you had expected or planned for. Maybe you had a homebirth planned that turned into an induction at a hospital. Maybe you had planned a vaginal birth that turned into a Cesarean birth because your baby wasn’t tolerating labor. Maybe from outward appearances your labor DID seem calm and peaceful and lovely but you didn’t feel heard or respected. 

I am here to tell you that no matter what happens in your labor, your experience matters. The feelings you have associated with labor and birth are VALID. Being angry, sad, and/or disappointed in your birth experience are valid ways to feel. It is also OK to feel happy with some parts of the labor and terribly upset about other parts. It is OK to be angry when you hear someone else had the birth you were supposed to have. 

It is okay to just feel your feelings. No matter what. I see you and I get it.