Comparison is the Thief of Joy

I’m sure you’ve heard the saying: Comparison is the Thief of Joy. Nowhere is that saying more accurate than when it comes to early parenthood. And I truly believe that feeling is amplified to the largest it’s ever been for those new families parenting in the age of social media. That little smart device in your hands is robbing your joy.

If that resonates with you then read on for a gentle reminder of why it shouldn’t be that way.

As you struggle to find your footing in early postpartum it’s perfectly normal to turn to trusted friends and family, your pediatrician, parenting books, or even your favorite social media accounts in the search for answers and guidance. That feeling of not knowing what you’re doing as a new parent is so so common. And we all need a little reassurance that we’re not messing our kids up too badly.

But our search for answers can sometimes lead us into comparing our own children against all the “shoulds.” My baby should be eating on a schedule. My baby should have a better nap routine. My baby should be sleeping through the night.

Before you know it you’re comparing your own baby to your friends’ children or the hypothetical baby that exists in the current parenting book you’re reading. And now you’re stressed. And all that comparison is robbing you of your joy.

When my firstborn was a baby I remember reading ALL of the sleep books and trying so hard to implement one sleep strategy after another. And I also remember getting so frustrated that none of it seemed to work. Why wouldn’t he just do what the book said he should be doing?! I was miserable and felt like I was doing something wrong all the time.

And I had it easy. My children are now in high school so I was lucky enough to escape the age of influencers and TikTok and the never-ending barrage of social media. Today’s new parents can barely escape the onslaught of advice that the algorithm throws at them constantly. No wonder it’s so easy to get wrapped up in comparing your own baby to what you’re seeing on Instagram.

But allow me to share something that I wish I would have known back then…

Don’t compare your insides to someone else’s outside.

Or as my partner Heather says all the time, “Your baby is not going to read that parenting book.”

So if you’ve been caught up in constantly comparing your baby’s development, milestones, and daily routines to what you’re seeing and reading online, stop. Take a moment. Set the phone down and focus on what is right in front of you.

Social media isn’t real. It’s often a perfectly curated image of what someone wants you to see from the outside. Just like all those parenting books sound good in theory, but in reality they’ll never be 100% applicable to every single baby.

I’m here to remind you that your baby is unique and so is your parenting journey. It’s totally okay that it doesn’t look like what you might see online. Try to stop comparing your family to anyone else’s and connect with that joy right in front of you, no matter how messy it might be sometimes.

You are the expert of your own baby. Lean into your own intuition when you find yourself stuck in the comparison cycle. No one else knows your baby as well as you do. And that’s a fact.