Maternity Leave is NOT a Vacation

I was 39 weeks pregnant, giant, swollen ankles propped on a chair, readying some things in advance of my maternity leave, when a male co-worker had the audacity to say this to me… “Oh man, you’re so lucky that you’re going out on vacation next week.” Record scratch. WHAT?!?!? Did this guy really think that maternity leave was going to be a vacation?!

And do you know what I said? Me - a first-time, totally clueless, expecting mom, who had done plenty to prepare for birth but nothing to prepare for postpartum. I said, “I know, right?!” I still have to laugh to keep from crying when I think about that one.

I bet if you’re reading this, you’ve at least encountered someone in your life that really believed that taking a few weeks off of work to enter into the exhausted and overwhelmed trenches, on hormonal overload, with a brand new baby who depended entirely on you to stay alive was indeed equivalent to a vacation. Maybe you were as unprepared for new motherhood as I was and thought this too. But let me just clear something up right now - maternity leave is NOT a vacation.

So where does this crazy notion come from? I have a feeling that it stems from the complete lack of preparation and care this society devotes to the postpartum period.

Did you know that in other cultures, the first 40 days (which is about equivalent to the 6 week postpartum recovery period) is a time in a new mother’s life that is supported and guarded and honored. In other cultures, female family members rally around the new mom to cook and clean and help care for older children and the new baby. Mom is encouraged to rest, focus on her physical recovery and nutrition, and spend time bonding with her new baby, not worrying about anything else. This level of care helps ensure that the new mom has plenty of time for her own postpartum physical recovery - after all she just grew and birthed a brand new human!

But for many new moms in this culture, this is not what the postpartum recovery period is like. Instead, after just 24-48 hours on average, the new parents are sent home from the hospital with a newborn and a folder of instructions and a packet of stool softener and reminded to get that baby to their doctor within the next day. (Mom can wait a full 6 weeks before it’s deemed necessary to see her provider.) After weeks of care focused on the pregnant mom, everything shifts to the baby and this is normally where all the attention goes. We live in a society where we are often far from family and most new moms are left to figure out life with a newborn all on their own. The care and feeding, the sleeping, the diapering and soothing, all of this becomes the focus and normally at the expense of the mom’s own postpartum physical needs.

Nipples bleed, hormones rage, and lack of sleep is worn like some sadistic merit badge. So no, this is not a vacation. Or if it is, it’s a vacation from hell.

So let’s raise a little awareness around this time in a new mother’s life. Maternity leave and the early postpartum period is hard. You are learning your new baby and all that comes along with caring for a newborn. Your body is recovering from pregnancy and childbirth and some solid, physical rest and recovery time is so important. But the reality is that you are barely sleeping and neither is your partner. And the two of you are figuring out this new normal, all while your body’s hormones rage out of control. You can’t remember the last time you showered, cooked a nutritious meal for yourself, or even just had an hour of “me time.” Anyone that thinks this is a vacation is welcome to trade places.

And while it’s never going to be possible to transform the early postpartum period into a luxury, five-star tropical getaway, it is possible to ease the hardship of this time by devoting more attention and support to new moms. This is the time to invest in yourself - splurge on the best meal delivery service, hire the postpartum doula, and don’t ever feel guilty asking for help. It should be the norm that newly postpartum moms are cared for and doted on as much as the new babies. You’ve earned it!