Make a Plan for Sleep
While you you prepare for your labor and birth, don’t forget make a plan for sleep-for you-when you bring your newborn home. No, “sleeping when the baby sleeps” is not the plan. We love family and friends who offer to hold tand care for the baby while you catch a nap but a scattered hour of sleep here and there is not going to be restorative.
A 2024 NIH study states that postpartum sleep disruption is a risk factor for postpartum depression and other perinatal mood and anxiety disorders (PMADs). Restorative sleep is needed for physical recovery and emotional balance.
We see a lot of new parents get home with their new baby and both partners get up with the baby those first few days. While we love a supportive partner, one of you needs at least a few hours of sleep at a time so there is at least one parent with a functioning brain. Let's talk about how you can make a plan for sleep with your parnter.
You might think, “well I am breastfeeding so I have to get up with the baby anyway”. We would to present a different way of thinking that you can get some protected sleep no matter how you are feeding your baby. Sleep goals and feeding goals can go hand in hand. You don’t have to sacrifice one for the other.
If you are breastfeeding, plan to go to bed right after the “last” feeding of the evening before bedtime. Have your face washed and PJs on before that feeding. Once your baby is finished eating, hand that cutie over to your partner. You get in your bed, turn on the brown noise, and get to the important work of getting some sleep! Send your partner and the baby to a different room (trust us on this; newborns can be very noisy even when they are sleeping). Partner will take care of the baby until it is time to nurse again. Your partner can bring you the baby while you stay in bed. Latch your baby and send your partner off to refill your water bottle and to bring you a snack. Once baby is all done, hand baby back over to your partner. Off they go to a different room. Your partner is in charge of burping the baby, changing the diaper, and soothing the baby. Your job is to roll over and go back to sleep. Rinse and repeat all the above until around 3 or 4am. Now it is time to trade out with your partner and you are “on duty” while they get some sleep. Remember, if your baby is sleeping, you can sleep too. Once 8am or so rolls around, wake your partner up and you go back to sleep. It’s not perfect but you will get 3-4 hours of sleep this way. Once your milk supply is a bit more established, consider pumping during the day for a few days to build up enough milk for a feeding or two. Have your partner give your baby the bottle of expressed breastmilk for that first feeding after you go to bed. Hopefully this will give you 4-6 hours of uninterrupted sleep. Of course, you can also pump enough ahead time for the whole night. You’ll just need to wake up at some point in the night to pump at least once just for your own comfort and to minimize engorgement.
If you plan on formula feeding, you can have your partner give your baby a bottle during any feedings while you are not “on duty”.
A few notes..we often hear things like “my partner has to go to work so he needs to sleep”. We would like to kindly remind you that you are also going to work.. a 24 hr loop at your house where your boss weighs 7lbs and occasionally pees on you. Also, if you are so sleep-deprived that you are mentally unwell, please find a way to sleep the entire night at least every few nights. One night here and there of not breastfeeding or pumping will likely not be the undoing of a breastfeeding journey.
If you and your partner are both really struggling from the lack of sleep, please enlist some nighttime help whether that help is from friends or family or from a professional postpartum doula. Postpartum doulas can come take care of you AND your baby at night for 8-10 hours. Even 1-2 nights a week of protected sleep can make a dramatic difference in your postpartum recovery and emotional well-being.
Sleep is important. Restorative sleep is even more important. Take the time to chat with your partner about how you can get protected sleep and make a sleep plan during your last trimester.