If I Knew Then What I Know Now

Imagine what we could do if we just mastered the art of time travel. If we could go back in time and visit our newly postpartum selves. If we could walk into all of that overwhelm and exhaustion and tears and just scoop our past selves up. Imagine if we knew then what we know now…

We would know that these little babies are resilient.

I remember the first time I held my son, I had to swallow down the rising panic that I wasn’t supporting his head properly, that I could drop him, that maybe I would hurt him when changing positions. Those are such common thoughts for a brand new parent to have. But now I look at that teenager and all the scrapes and bruises from skateboard falls and I am confident that he will be just fine. And that there was never any danger that I was going to mess things up just by holding him.

We would know that yes, one day, we will all sleep again.

The sleep deprivation during the early postpartum period is probably the most intense experience of anyone’s life. Sleeping in 30-40 minute increments and cobbling together a few hours of broken sleep over days and weeks can really make you feel desperate. And this desperation can you have you believing some wild things - like can you survive on no sleep? Will you ever sleep again? Will you have to make a blood pact with a demon to get your baby to sleep through the night? (And the answer to those questions are no, yes, no.)

With the benefit of hindsight, I can confidently say that both of my babies learned to sleep through the night. They learned that skill at different times and there were always phases over the years when sleep came easier or harder, but overall my kids - and myself - have been sleeping through the nights for years and years. So it does get better.

We would know that it’s more important to make sure the baby is fed than to fixate on what they are eating.

Like just about every new mom, I struggled with figuring out how to feed my babies. I also had two incredibly different feeding journeys between those two kids. My goal with both of them was to exclusively breastfeed but with both of them I also pumped and fed formula. And one baby got way more formula than the other. And I remember agonizing about that at the time. But now I can look at those two teenagers and confidently say that no one could ever guess how they were fed as babies. And why would anyone care?

I know now that my mental health was just as important as the method with which I fed my babies. And I also know that my babies did not love me any more or any less based on what they were being fed. They just needed to be fed. And they needed their mom to be mentally well. And that’s what matters.

We would know that relying on others for support does not make us bad moms.

HALLELUJAH! This one right here. If there was just ONE thing I could go back in time and tell myself it would be this - get more support! Lean on your friends, your family (if they are helpful), your community. There is something called a postpartum doula and their number one job is to support new parents through the physical and emotional journey that happens during pregnancy, birth, and postpartum recovery. And by lining up support to help you figure out feeding, get more sleep, and grow your confidence as a new parent, the whole experience is much more enjoyable. That is something that I wish I had knew then but I absolutely know now.