I Can't Handle All This Crying
My son was barely three weeks old and I was ready to throw in the towel. I had been feverishly pacing the floor, rocking and swaying, shushing to the point of hyperventilation. At this point we were both hot and sweaty. And we were both crying. I just couldn’t do it. I could not get him to stop crying and I didn’t know what to do.
I could not handle all this crying.
Everything seemed normal just a few weeks ago - well I guess as normal as life can be with a brand new baby. The first few weeks passed by in that blur of total exhaustion, feeding struggles, dirty diapers, and the total serenity that comes with a squishy bundle of newborn baby asleep on your chest. We seemed to be getting the hang of things - feed, change, pass out, repeat. Maybe this wasn’t going to be so hard after all (especially if we could one day just get a little more sleep).
But then my newborn baby woke up. And he woke up furiously. Now there would be hours of fussing and crying as part of every day. And as the days went by, those periods of crying seemed to stretch out longer and longer. It got to the point where as evening approached, my levels of anxiety began to rise. I dreaded this nightly routine of non-stop crying, accompanied by non-stop soothing that never really seemed to work until hours had passed and we were both spent.
What was happening?!?
Unbeknownst to me, we had entered into a perfectly normal pattern of newborn development. Yep. Neither me nor my baby were doing anything wrong. But I didn’t know it at the time. And here’s what I wish I would have known….
In the early weeks of life, there is a pattern to newborn crying. For the first week or two (or even longer if your baby was born well before their due date), babies don’t tend to cry much unless they are hungry or need their diaper changed. But as weeks 3-5 approach, periods of “unexplained infant fussiness” appear. Now there are times of the day - and normally during the evening - where it feels like your baby cries for no reason. And they won’t stop crying. As you enter weeks 6-8, these periods of unexplained fussiness tend to reach their peak and it can stretch everyone to their breaking point. As you come down the other side of this peak, the crying episodes start to shorten and normally after 12 weeks, if your baby is crying, you can probably figure out the reason why and that makes it easier to soothe them.
But oh boy, when you are at the top of that crying curve, it is brutal.
So here are a few tips to help you survive the newborn fussiness days:
Practice and perfect the 5 Ss - Swaddle, Side/Stomach Lying, Swaying, Shushing, and Sucking. When used all together, these 5 Ss can work wonders to soothe a fussy newborn.
Keep calm. I know, easier said than done but babies really do feed off their parents’ energy, so if you want your baby to feel calm, you have to demonstrate what calm feels like. So take a deep breath, drop your shoulders, find your moment of Zen, and project peace.
Tag someone else in. If you can’t find your inner peace, then it’s time to hand that crying baby off to someone else. It does not make you a bad mom to rely on others for support.
Walk away. And if there is no one else that you can tag in during these moments, then I am giving you permission to walk away for a little break. If you can’t calm down, then neither can your baby. So put them in a safe place, like their crib or bassinet, and go outside for some fresh air for 60 seconds or however long you need. Trust me, your baby will be fine for a brief moment and you will be better off after taking time to gather yourself, calm down, and shake off all of these super stressful emotions. Find your inner peace and then go back for round two. Chances are it will be easier this time around.
From a mom who has been in the crying trenches, hang in there. It does get better. I swear.