Am I Failing as a Mom?
How could I survive another night of this? I was running on fumes, lack of sleep almost making me delusional, and there was a sink piled high with dirty dishes, a laundry basket overflowing, and my own reflection staring back at me from the mirror. When did I last wash my hair? The piercing shrieks of a hungry/tired/fussy baby (honestly, how was I supposed to know?) cut through all of the other chaos to bring my attention back to right now. Right now my baby needs me, but how? How could I do this? Was I failing as a mom???
First, if you have ever asked yourself that question, let me reassure you that you are not alone. You are actually in the best of company. You join the ranks of us exhausted humans, in our spit-up stained uniforms, bravely holding the line against a never-ending barrage of dishes, laundry, meal planning, scheduling, diapering, feeding, and all those other -ings that we shoulder. You are not alone.
And second, I firmly believe that if you are asking that question - Am I Failing?? - it is proof that no, you are not. The fact that you care enough to want to be good at this whole mothering thing means that by default you are not going to fail at it.
But I know how easy it is for the doubt to creep in. There is always something:
Why is my baby crying right now and why can’t I figure out how to make him stop?
How do I know if my baby is getting enough to eat? Am I feeding him too much? Or not enough?
Is my baby getting enough sleep? Will I ruin his sleep if I let him nap on me? When will he ever sleep through the night?
Did I do enough tummy time today? Is my baby behind in their development?
Here’s the thing. Those kind of questions never stop. Fast forward 17 years and now I’m asking myself questions about whether my baby is ready to go off to college or if he’s being safe out there driving his car or if he’s able to balance the demands of school and a job and a social life. The questions will always be there.
And that’s why I go back to that first question: Am I Failing as a Mom? And with the clarity of hindsight, I can definitively say NO. I honestly believe that you can’t fail at this whole motherhood thing. Not if you approach it with a heart full of unconditional love. Just love your baby. Protect them, care for them, cuddle them, and love on them. And I promise, you won’t fail.